T'was The Night of My Coma
by stuffbylouie
Summary: Speedy, Polly, Guido and Francine have been forced to work at Vi's annual ball and Speedy has vowed revenge. Meanwhile, Guru Lou decides to infect the party with his new love potion…
1. Bit at the begining

****

- T'WAS THE NIGHT OF MY COMA… -

By Louielacious Moe 

(formally known as Kat)

__

Speedy, Francine, Polly and Guido have been forced to work at Vi's annual yearly ball again and Speedy has vowed revenge. Meanwhile, Guru Lou has some strange social ambitions when he decides to infect the party with his new love potion…

A re-edited version of one of my early works. Actually, almost every SPC fanfic I post at the moment will be an early, re-edited work…that's why it seems like I'm pumping out stories heaps at a time! I wish I could finish stories that fast but oh well.

- Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! -


	2. Part One

~*~

Narrator: Since nothing worthwhile is happening at Pizza Cat Headquarters, we begin scene one at Mount Koochi. We are focusing on Guru Lou's secret laboratory where something sneaky and fiendish no doubt is taking PLACE!... And hopefully interesting otherwise scene one is going to be pathetic!

Guru: One drop of this red stuff and...YES! Finally my life's work is complete! Now I'm irresistible!

N: Not to mention desperate and in denial...

Guru: You think you're so smart don't you?! Well it just so happens that I'm devising a potion... 

N: (bored) Anyway as we return to the Pizza Cat's...

Guru: (cutting in) WHICH WILL make girls fall in love with you on sight, no matter how boring, stupid or overweight you are. Of course it's known to cause hair growth in strange places and leprosy...

N: Are you done?

Guru: (annoyed) Yes!

N: Wonderful! We'll return to this desperado later… For now, let's see what our heroes the Pizza Cats, are up to. It looks like they have just received a letter of some kind. I doubt it's fan mail, I only get that.

Fran: (reading the letter) We are proud to announce that you have been selected to be a guest at Princess Vi's annual Little Tokyo Ball and....OH MY GOD!

Speedy, Guido and Polly: Are you okay Francine?

Fran: That spoilt little brat finally decided to ask us to her stupid Ball for snobs. This is the greatest day of my life!

Speedy: You're kidding? (snatching the invitation off Francine) She's not KIDDING! I get to go I get to go I get to go I get to go I get to go!

Guido: (slaps him on the head) Oh shut up!

Polly: That's great! I guess I don't have to brutally murder that brat tonight after all!

Guido: Vi's never invited us before, why do you think she's avoided us all these years?

Speedy: Ah, she's just jealous of our award winning acting performances.

Polly: (dazing) And our cute looks...

Guido: (smiling) Our charm...

Fran: Don't forget our 50% profit on all pizza cat merchandise!

All: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

Fran: This is my chance to win back Bucky! I'm sure he will be there. Oh wouldn't it be romantic!

Speedy: (rolling his eyes) More like the grossest thing this century...

Polly: (whispering to Speedy) Why she would ever want to get back with her x-boyfriend I'll never know. I mean for one he's an elk…

Speedy: I agree. And the payment for cameos comes out of our salaries!

Guido: I heard deer is bad for your arteries.

Polly: That's only if you eat it, twit! 

Guido: Oh, and what's Fran doing?

Polly: (speaking very slowly) D-a-t-i-n-g it…!

Guido: (shocked) How can she date food?!

(Al appears at the intercom.)

Al: AHEM…!

All: What's up Big Al?

Al: It's been brought to my attention that you received an invitation today from the Palace.

(Pizza Cat's nod in joy) 

Polly, Speedy, Guido, Francine: We're so excited!

Al: Well it seems that something has come up. Princess Vi later decided today that you would be more useful as guards and waiters then guests, so sorry to get your hopes up but an orders an order.

Polly, Speedy, Guido, Francine: (eyes pop out of their heads) WHAT!!??

Fran: (rapid speech) But I have to go to that PARTY!! You don't understand Al I have to...well...you...see...I'd see him...and he's there and...well...my only...chance...to...ah...I'M GOING TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!

Al: (trying to take that all in) Pardon?

Polly: (coming into the scene now…) I knewPrincess Vi would never _really_ invite us! How dare she! That stupid little cheap shiii.......p, ah yes! Stupid little cheap ship! (?)

Guido: And I really wanted to take Luciel...

Speedy: (shoving Guido) You mean _I _really wanted to take Luciel!

Al: I'm terribly sorry but Princess Vi has insisted. Now I must go the tennis is starting...

Speedy: But Big Al!

Al: Oh I almost forgot! For your efforts you will be able to stay overnight at the Palace and the rooms include a hot tub, king sized bed and mini bar.

Guido, Polly & Fran: (suddenly very excited) OOOOOO! Mini bar!

Al: Complete with cable!

Guido, Polly & Fran: (utterly joyful) WOOHOOO!

Speedy: (who doesn't seem as pleased…) BUT BIG AL!!

Al: Oh shut up Speedy, what ever it is it can't be more important then Wimbledon! (Al disappears)

Speedy: Come back! I'm not through whining at you!

Polly: Speedy, don't worry! At least we get to spend the night at the Palace.

Guido: Yeah and it has a mini bar! I'm talking bags and bags of free peanuts!

Fran: And hours and hours of free CABLE!! And the SHOPPING CHANNEL!!

Narrator: But Speedy's mind was elsewhere and whereever it was it was not happy...

Polly: (scared) Ah, Speedy you look a little red...

Guido: (concerned) And that steam coming out of your ears that's not a good sign buddy…

Fran: (worried) I hope he didn't have curry again last night…

Speedy: THAT'S IT! (looking very pissed off) Now its PERSONAL!

(Polly tosses a bucket of water on his head)

Polly: Sorry Speedy but you needed that. You were getting freaky.

Speedy: (annoyed) You could have just offered me a glass of water or something!

Narrator: Speedy's blood pressure was definitely on a dangerous level so we may as well turn our attention to the Palace where the preparation for the Ball is taking place! And that high-pitched screaming you can here is none other then the cheery and charming Princess Vi!

Vi: Like they didn't know.

N: It looks like she is spending her time bossing decorators around and perfection must be dealt with care!

Vi: (yelling) I thought I told you to put the pinnate in the corner over there! Hey you! I said purple not green, PURPLE! What interior decorating school did you flunk out of!? I'm sending you to Prisoner Island, and you, and you to!!

Vi's servant: Your Hinas if we keep sending people to prisoner island there won't be any actors left in the series!

Vi: Who cares as long as I am in the spotlight its not really an issue is IT!?

Vi's servant: But Princess Vi...

Vi: SILENCE! I don't get paid to listen to your opinions! You'll just have to spend the rest of your life on Prisoner Island until you learn some manners!!

Fred: FAR-RED!!

N: In the mean time, the Big Cheese seems to be cheesy enough because like every year for the Ball this two timing rotten scheming rat minded villain who has a reputation for causing masses of horrible and costly destruction over Little Tokyo…makes strawberry punch!

BC: The finest strawberry punch in all of Little Tokyo! I think everyone should have a hobby don't you?

Jerry: Yes but couldn't you do something more practical like stamp collecting or building model planes?

BC: And I suppose choir lessons for 20 years is practical!?

Jerry: (blushing) Cheesy I told you that's a secret! Besides…it's an old family tradition and I'm too old to have my own life.

BC: Whatever. And anyway Princess Vi can't get enough of this stuff and I have to get on her good side. She's not going to be impressed when she finds out I borrowed her chapstick…

Jerry: Borrowed?

BC: Okay stolen! I'm not a saint I'm an over worked criminal!

Jerry: You're going to put me in a retirement home now aren't you…(looking downcast)

BC: Well the thought did cross my mind but then I figured you might be useful…

Jerry: Let me guess! You need me to help you create a sinister plot to crash the Ball?

BC: No I don't think we will be doing that.

Jerry: WHAT? But we always get to be the party poopers!

BC: (dreamy) I know but this year I just want to have fun like the olden days. Don't you remember Jerry when we used to go on picnics into the meadows, sing songs and...!

Jerry: (disgusted) CHEESY! Stop yanking my chain!!

BC: Well EXCUSE ME if I want to frolic down memory lane all I'm saying is the only thing we are going to do this year is make delicious punch, OKAY?!

Jerry: (under his breath) Must he always get his way? 

Narrator: Well Jerry's contract does say he's the criminal sidekick. It's his life to be walked all over! Besides this, nothing much happened between the present and the party except for the following: Speedy grows even more wacko by the minute, Polly stepped on Francine's tail but didn't mind and Guido got stung by a bee…We may as well skip the hours to when everyone is arriving in suits and gowns for the night of a life time! Well, almost everyone. Here come the four happy souls now...

Polly: The thing I really hate about being a Pizza Cat is all these community service hours that keep popping up!

Guido: Can you believe we are bringing champagne? We're not even formally invited! And I was saving this for my bachelor party next Sunday…

Polly: Who's getting married?

Guido: No one…(smirks) I just like having a bachelor party every Sunday...

Francine: Al insisted that if we want to keep our jobs we have to bring some kind of food or drink.

Polly: (sounding unenthusiastic) We should have bought a packet of tic tacs.

Speedy: (whispering to himself) Revenge is mine, revenge…

Fran: There go my chances with Bucky. I can't let him see me in this daggy waitress uniform.

Guido: I know, you like a penguin.

Fran: Shut up!

Speedy: (getting louder) Revenge is mine, MINE!!

Guido: I think Speedy is sick, there is something not quite normal about repeating "revenge, revenge!"

Fran: Maybe he's auditioning for a new role as a homicidal maniac in a new thriller or something?

Polly: Get out of town!

Fran: Yeah you're right, he's just an idiot.

N: Mmmmm, I don't know why where shooting this next scene at the deserted, dark side of the palace. Nothing but vines, dirt and…wait a minute! An eerie, fat shadow has appeared…

Fat shadow: Heheheheh I'm genius, pure genius! 

N: I should have known… It's none other then Guru Lou carrying a beaker. Doing our lab work outside today Lou?

Guru: Quiet you! My plan is so complex your mind will never grow the capacity to figure it out!

N: You're planing to sneak into the Palace, spike the strawberry punch with your love potion so that beautiful girls will fall in love with you at the Ball which you are not invited to because of your odor and because you look drop dead ugly in a tux.

Lou: (silent for a moment, then…) Well nobody likes a smart-ass...and I do not stink! It's just a rumor!

N: Oh yes, a rumor! I bet if I was on Mars I could still smell you…(chuckle)

Lou: (completely insulted) YOU-!

Narrator: (talking over him) MEANWHILE! The Pizza Cat's have entered the Palace! YAY!

Polly: Can you please chew your gum with your mouth closed or I will personally chew you myself!

Guido: Now that sounds like fun...

Polly: Grrr! (hit's him on the head with a frying pan)

Speedy: (still whispering to himself…) Sweet, sweet revenge…!

Francine: Polly, why did you bring a frying pan with you?

Polly: Don't ask questions.

Speedy: (shouting now…) "REVENGE!"

Francine, Polly and Guido: (frustrated) Enough with REVENGE!

Al: (appearing behind them) Well it's nice to see the four of you have arrived HALF AN HOUR LATE!

Guido: But you said 6:00 Al! See look at my watch it says 6:00pm, no kidding.

Al: (trying to remain calm) Guido when the little hand and the big are pointing to the number 6 it is 6:30, not 6:00! Okay...?

Guido: (scratching his head) Are you sure cause I thought...

Al: (annoyed) LOOK, you're just lucky Princess Vi didn't find out otherwise you would all be pushing boulders on Prisoner Island by now!

Fran: (sarcastic) Well we're _sorry_ about being late Al. I mean we were _soooooo_ looking forward to helping the wonderful and lovely Princess Vi on this night of all nights...!

Al: I'm happy to see you take your work very seriously Francine. Maybe I should put you on the list for the after party clean up crew.

Fran: (not very happy about this) WHAT!?

(Guido blows a bubble and it explodes all over his face)

Al: Guido are you chewing gum?

Guido: (trying to look innocent) No sir…

N: After 15 minuets of hard scrubbing with soap and water to remove the gum from Guido's face, our heroes were assigned to their jobs. Guido, Polly and Speedy were sent to work in the newly built security room for security reasons (duh!), and Francine is doing glamorous work as a waitress serving hors d'oeuves…all by her little self! 

Fran: You just had to rub it in, didn't you!?

N: Did I mention you look like a penguin?

Fran: (upset) Go away! I had to listen to that one ten times already!

N: Well there are more exciting things happening. Princess Vi is about to begin her opening speech from an outside stage. She is surrounded by a large crowd of guests and if you look closely, you just might happen to see the B-team, Mother and Junior, the Big Cheese, Badbird, Fred, Empress Freda, Speedy...SPEEDY?! What are you doing here?! The script says very clearly that in this scene Speedy is supposed to be in the security room with Guido and Polly!

Speedy: (looking sinister) REVENGE!

N: I see...The writers have really put some imagination in your lines Speedy. Still, I wonder what he's up to...

Vi: EVERYBODY SHUT UP and welcome to this years Ball! I'm so happy you could join

us. The main highlight, apart from me, is our magnificent collection of wine and champagne from around the world! It cost thousands of dollars so you BETTER DAMN ENJOY IT! So don't waste, have a taste! But do be sure to spit it back out in the buckets proived…we don't want any drunks tonight! (laughs at her own joke)

N: She's such a crazy loon, isn't she? Speaking of crazy loons, I can see Guru Lou hovering over the secluded table of Princess Vi's expensive beverages.

Guru: SSHH! You fool! This is where my plan comes to a climax! See this red bottle that smells like burning tar? This is my ticket to paradise! And to make sure nothing goes wrong, I can't let a soul see me! Not a single...uh oh!

(Lou ducks behind a chair but leaves the potion on the table)

Speedy: (who suddenly appeared) Well, well! Princess Vi's precious beverages! Wouldn't it be terrible if they all just disappeared all of a sudden? It would be such a waste...

(Speedy pulls out a garbage bag)

Speedy: I'll shove as many of these stupid bottles into this bag as I can, and then drink them myself! I'll show her what happens when you mess with Speedy Eugene Cerviche's social life!!

N: Your middle name is Eugene?! Wait until I tell everyone this!

Speedy: I'll just drink some of this vodka for the road… (guzzles it down) And dip some in this punch…(pours vodka into the strawberry punch) That outta give it a kick!

Guru: (from behind the chair) ACHOOOO!!

Speedy: (turns around, alarmed) Whose there show yourself!

Guru: (pops up from behind the chair) Hehe hi there Speedy! How are you tonight?

Speedy: (hiding the garbage bag behind his back) Ah…I'm fine Lou, ah and you?

Guru: (sweating) Oh I'm fine, nothing suspicious going on around here, right?

Speedy: Right! Sure! Absolutely nothing. Just admiring Vi's selection of drinks there's quite a few hehe...(although there were only now five remaining on the table…)

Guru: (clearing his throat) Yes what a…nice bunch…of…ah…drinks they are!

Speedy: (slowly walking away) Yeah well...I'd better...go now. It was nice talking to you bye bye! (runs off)

Guru: Phew! That kids never been too bright. He didn't suspect a thing. Now, back to business. Where's that potion?…mmmmm, where is it?...WHERE IS IT?! Oh dear...

N: I might as well inform you that Speedy has collected most of the bottles off the table for his own personal use and has already spiked the strawberry punch.

Guru: With the potion?

N: No with good old alcohol.

Guru: I have to find him! Who knows what could happen if it falls into the wrong hands? Why if worst comes to worst, just about ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN!

- TO BE CONTINUED! - 

~*~


	3. Part Two

~*~

N: We now return to part two. (annoyed) OH! I hate two part STORIES! Can't writers just whip up a three-minute episode or something?! Oh well, I better not continue…I need this week's salary… Anyway! Happy, happy! We come to the security room where Guido and Polly have been sitting ducks for the last half-hour...

Guido: (looking at the TV monitors) You can see every room in the Palace from here! 

Polly: (off the subject) That Speedy is so DEAD! I'LL GRIND HIS BONES INTO SAND!!

Guido: (gulp!) Jeez Polly, he probably just went to the toilet or something. He'll be back. What's the matter Polly you miss him? (smiling)

Polly: (blushing) You are so immature sometimes...

"KNOCK KNOCK"

Guido: It's for you. 

Polly: (sighing) its probably Al just checking up on us.

(Polly opens the door)

Speedy: WOOOOOOOOOOOO those stairs! They HICK UP! just keep going up and HICK UP! up and up and HICK UP! up and...

Guido: That's funny, Al looks allot like Speedy....

Polly: (very cross) SPEEDY?! Where have you been?! Checking out girls no doubt you slacker! Well you can prepare for the frying pan beating of a LIFETIME!

Speedy: Guido HICK UP! nice to HICK UP! see you (pat's Polly on the back)

Polly: (with an odd face) Speedy you bonehead stop playing games! I'm Polly!

Speedy: (looks at Guido) And Polly HICK UP! darling have you lost weight? I told

you that milkshake diet HICK UP! would work in no time! HICK UP! (hugs him)

Guido: (very scared) Speedy get off a me! And don't call me Polly, what an insult!

Polly: Why I outta…! (clenching a fist)

Speedy: Well go ahead and just HICK UP! hurt my HICK UP! feelings like that and

shout HICK UP! at me for no good HICK UP! reason. You guys are so cruel…HICK UP!

Guido: Ah Polly, come and look at this…(holding something in his hand)

Polly: A garbage bag full of alcohol? Speedy you didn't…!

Speedy: (dazed, looking up) Helloooooooooooo sky!

Guido: Polly when big Al finds out Speedy got drunk we're all going to get fired!

Polly: (the prospect of this boils her to rage point) SPEEDY!! Did you just hear what Guido said?! We could get FIRED! You're so selfish Speedy, not ONCE did you think how much trouble we are all going to get in because of you!

Speedy: Listen Guido HICK UP! (looking at Polly) You take this red bottle HICK UP! as a present from me since I love HICK UP! to spread goodness to all! Now I'm going to HICK UP! check outside for the Germans....

Guido and Polly: (looking at each other oddly) Germans?

Guido: Hey where did he go?

Polly: He left? NO!

Guido: Damn Speedy! His only weaknesses are alcohol and 'Josie and the Pussycats!'

(Polly opens the red bottle Speedy gave her)

Polly: Smells like tar, but still kind of tempting...I am pretty thirsty.

Guido: Now Polly maybe you shouldn't…we don't know what's in there! It could be poison or cat pee! You remember what happened in that episode when you drank that mysterious drink. It made you run so fast you wound up Egypt!

Polly: (annoyed) Yes I remember moron! Maybe just a little sip… 

N: I guess we will find out later what happened with them. For now let's go back to the center stage. And yes ladies and gentlemen, Princess Vi's speech is still going...(yawn) 

Vi: (extremely cheery) And I would also like to mention that we will be serving macadamia nuts that have not been dipped in salt for health reasons since it causes high blood pressure which is bad for you and that's not good!

Crowd: *YAWN*

Vi: Also on the menu tonight we have Seymour Cheese's strawberry punch and...

BC: (announcing himself) The finest and most delicious punch that you will ever have the chance to experience!

Vi: (annoyed at this sudden outburst) SIT DOWN!!

(Big Cheese gulps and sits down)

Vi: Anyway you can all go and taste it now if you like since I am ending my speech...

Crowd: YAY!

N: YAY!

Vi: (fed up) WELL FINE! Just make sure you try the drinks or your going to Prisoner Island THE LOT OF YOU!

Vi's servant: Ah your Hinas...if I may…

Vi: WHAT?! I'm trying to be good hostess!

Vi's servant: All the wine and champagne has well, disappeared...

(Meanwhile…)

Speedy: (singing) "28 bottles of beer on the wall, 28 bottles of beer!" La la la la la.......I wonder what HICK UP! comes after the letter 28?

N: Speedy who is now extremely drunk and brain-dead has magically made his way to

the entrance of the Palace where he thinks the Germans are centering their attack. He is currently wasting time staring at his reflection in the lake…

Speedy: Hey…that guys looks just like me!

N: (suddenly depressed) I can't believe he gets paid more then I do...

Speedy: I must protect HICK UP! the Palace from horrid war! No one HICK UP!

will enter the Palace without HICK UP! a password!

N: Near by a guest is running late for the Ball...

Luciel: (jogging) I hope they waited for me I just can't stand it when I miss the beginning of a birthday party!

N: Luciel this is not a....oh never mind!

Speedy: WHO, HICK UP! GOES THERE!

Luciel: (cheery) Speedy is that you? I thought it was you!

Speedy: So, Hitler HICK UP! you thought you could get past me...HICK UP! well I

just HICK UP! want to let you know HICK UP! that I will not stand for it! And you can HICK UP! take your German woop woop back to whatever HICK UP! country Germans come from. Is it France?

Luciel: (confused) Speedy you're not making any sense and you know I get emotional when people try to scare me. I'm sorry I'm late for the birthday party but I couldn't decide which sandals matched my dress so if you would just let me go in now...

Speedy: I don't HICK UP! think so! What's in the box HICK UP!

Luciel: (excited) Well don't tell but I got Princess Vi a new dust buster!

Speedy: NO! (grabs her by the arm)

Luciel: (scared) Ah! Speedy don't hurt me please!

Speedy: It's a bomb isn't HICK UP! it! You slimy fish you!

Luciel: I just hate seafood, why the thought just makes me want to...

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

(Missiles shoot out from Luciel's hair)

Speedy: (overly frantic) THE GERMANS ARE, HICK UP! ATTACKING! WARN THE

NATION! WOMAN AND, HICK UP! CHILDREN FIRST!

N: A missile heads straight for Speedy's head causing, him to fall in the lake…and he's too drunk to realise that drowning equals doom!

Luciel: (looking into the water for a sign of Speedy) Speedy? Oh no I killed Speedy! And I smudged my lipstick!

N: (sarcastic) Bummer…

(Still no sign of Speedy...)

Luciel: I'm a murderer! A MURDERER! A....

Al: Are you okay Luciel? We heard an explosion! We came to investigate...

(Al appears out of the entrance with a group of curious guests that include Princess Vi, Fred, the Big cheese and Jerry Attric.)

Luciel: What?

N: This would be a good time to mention Speedy is drowning!

Al: (alarmed) What's that?! Speedy is drowning! QUICK, we have to rescue him!

(Everyone stares at Al)

BC: I'm not getting wet for that pizza puffball!

Jerry: Ditto.

Vi: And I'm too important to rescue anyone!

Fred: FAR-RAD!

Al: I'm suprised at you people! When a citizen is in trouble you...

Luciel: (upset) JUST SAVE HIM! He could be dying as you speak and I love him! I couldn't live with myself if died! Oh by the way here's you present Princess Vi! It's a new dust buster! Happy Birthday!

Vi: (puzzled) Huh?

Al: Wait, look! Something's coming up to the surface...

N: On lighter terms Francine is still spending valuable time as a penguin and loving it right?

Fran: I hate my life! And stop calling me a bird!

N: Penguin.

Fran: My life is OVER! Oh where is my knight in shining armor?

N: Could we make this show any cornier? It's enough that Speedy makes jokes,

sheesh! By the way Francine you don't look so good...you sick?

Fran: I'm having a romantic musical fantasy in my brain you S.O.B! It stars me as the tragically in love maiden who falls for prince charming…

N: Sounds like a tragic snooze.

Fran: (giggling) I bet you can't guess who prince charming is?

N: Let me guess...Speedy?

Fran: (insulted) What!?

N: No wait I got it…It's Al!

Fran: (really insulted now) Al! What planet are you from its Bucky!

N: I bet its Guido....

Fran: THAT'S IT! I'm not speaking to you anymore.

N: Why not?

Fran: I can't tell you I'm not speaking to you...duh!

Luciel: (suddenly bounds in front of Francine, crying her eyes out) FRANCINE! Oh

Francine I'm a terrible person I deserve to be DEAD!

Fran: Huh? What do you mean, what's going on?

Luciel: (going from upset to cheery in a blink) Well you've certainly missed a bundle of news! Did you know somebody spiked the punch?

Fran: (very intrigued) What?!

Luciel: And Princess Vi is not very happy! It was meant to be a non-alcoholic alternative and half the guests are drunk and left the party. It's quite the scandal!

Fran: No kidding? That snob deserves her party to be ruined, maybe next year she will remember to invite the stars of the show.

N: I agree! How dare she forget to invite me, Speedy, Polly and Guido!

Fran: (mad) grrrrrr!

Luciel: Oh and Speedy kinda fell in the lake a while ago and…

Fran: WHAT?! Speedy fell in the lake! Speedy can't swim! Did he drown? Is he dead? Oh God tell me Luciel, I can TAKE IT!! (shaking Luciel back and forth)

Luciel: AHHH! Francine you're scaring me!! He's in the hospital asleep...

Fran: Asleep?

Luciel: Asleep, unconscious I can't really tell but he is drooling allot!

Fran: Oh God...(begins to cry)

Luciel: (crying as well) I'm worried too! Oh what if...

Fran: What if? …. Quick! To the hospital!

Narrator: Unfortunately, they forget to inform Polly and Guido about the tragic news. Those two were busy with that love poison anyway...

Son: Too bad most of the guests left...

N: (annoyed) Oh great, not you two! Didn't I mention that we had enough corny humor!? Writers never listen to actors...

Son: Well we're funnier then you anyway! And we are much cuter as well. Right Ma?

Mama-sun: (frantic) Is this where I meet the Queen Junior?

Son: Ignore her, she's drunk.

N: Isn't everybody?

Mother: (nervous) Quick Junior, my shoe is after me!

Son: But it's on your foot Ma…

Mother: That's what it wants you to think!

Son: I told you to stop after the tenth glass, I think you need to sit down over here (points to the stairs outside the security room)

Mother: (confused) Okay, but it sounds like a wrestling match going on up in there…(looking up the stairs to the security room) Junior why are people wrestling?

Son: Polly and Guido are working in there that's the security room. Don't you ever read the script Ma? (listening to the sounds more intently…) Maybe they're fighting?

Mother: (smirk) I don't think their fighting son...

Son: What else could they be doing Ma?

Mother: (giggling) Wait until I spread this piece of gossip around town!

Son: Please tell me what their doing it's not fair that you shut me out all the time!

Mother: I'll tell you when you can grow a mustache!

Son: (confused) huh?

N: Let's just get away from these two as quick as possible before my eyes begin to hurt! We may as well check out the hospital since that's far away enough. Did you even know Little Tokyo had a hospital? Well, you learn something everyday!

(Speedy lies in a hospital bed with everyone crowding round him)

Francine: (hovering over Speedy) Oh Luciel, he looks so lifeless! 

Luciel: (sobbing) Can I borrow your hanky Francine?

Francine: (with sympathy) Here…

(Luciel blows a pile of snot into Francine's hanky)

Luciel: (passing it back) Thanks…

Francine: (looking sick) Keep it…!

Big Cheese: (whispering) Jerry, pull the plug! It's finally our chance to kill a pizza brat once and for all! Isn't he the annoying one with that magic sword thinga-ma-jig?

Jerry: Yes. He's also the reason for our budget problems lately and why you haven't been able to buy as many shoes as you use to.

BC: (anxious) Well what are you waiting for pull that PLUG!

(Jerry pulls the plug secretly)

BC: (looking at Speedy's heart rate monitor) Nothings happening....his heart isn't stopping!

Jerry: Ah…Cheesy?

BC: What?!

Jerry: I think I pulled the wrong plug....

BC: (whispering loudly) What do you mean you pulled the wrong plug!? How many plugs are there to this life support contraption?!

Jerry: (whispering back) I think I pulled the Hoover plug...

BC: The WHAT?!

Jerry: The vacuum...

BC: (angry) YOU TWIT!!

Al: Hey everyone, I think Speedy is waking up…!

(Speedy's eyes pop open suddenly and everyone freezes)

Speedy: (scared) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Everyone: (even more scared) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Speedy?

Speedy: (confused) Where am I? Hey! This isn't the California swimsuit competition…

Francine: (throwing her arms up in the air) HE'S ALIVE!

(Everyone cheers!! YAY!!)

Speedy: (dumfounded) What happened to me? My head is spinning...

Al: You were in a coma for 25 minuets!

Luciel: You lost 1.3% of your brain!

Fran: Too bad you only had that much to begin with!

Everyone: (hysterical) AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Speedy: (tired) Oh put me back to sleep! I wanna go back to California…

N: Uh-oh, don't look now but here come the thundering footsteps of a spoilt little brat!

Vi: (furious) SPEEDY YOU CROOK! ADMIT IT! YOU STOLE MY ALL THOSE DRINKS FROM ME WITHOUT PERMISSION! THEN YOU SPIKED THE PUNCH! I SHOULD DRAG YOUR TAIL ALL THE WAY TO PRISONER ISLAND!! COMA OR NO COMA!! YOU RUINED MY PARTY!!

Al: Princess Vi where did you go?

Vi: Munchies...(holds up a bag of potato chips) Anyway AS I WAS YELLING!! YOU'LL BE IN A WHEELCHAIR AND A COMA WHEN I PUT YOU ON PRISONER ISLAND CERVICHE!! But…you're lucky cause I'm not going to.

Everyone: (Astonished) HUH??!!

N: Has the world TOPSY TURVY? Princess Vi is showing signs of SYMPATHY!?

Speedy: (who hasn't realised what Princess Vi just said) PLEASE Princess, HAVE MERCY! I swear I didn't mean to do it! I was disturbed! Upset! I needed substance, I needed drink, MY DOG ATE IT!!

Fran: (giving him a funny look) Your dog ate it?

Speedy: (confused) I guess I was running out of good excuses…

Al: Calm down Speedy, Princess Vi just said she's not sending you to Prisoner Island.

Speedy: (relieved) She's NOT!? Oh thankyou Princess! Thankyou thankyou THANKYOU…! 

Vi: (interrupting) SILENCE! That's right Speedy. I'm too happy to do that right now. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce...my ENGAGEMENT!! (holds up a shiny ring on her finger)

Everyone: HUH??!!

Fran: To whom Princess?

Vi: (dreamy) Oh just the most WONDERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD!! Well actually he's not

exactly a man, more of an elk. His name is Bucky and we're so in love!! HEHE! I met him a few months ago at water-colour classes and we just clicked!!

Fran: (blank) ******

Speedy: Fran, are you okay? You want to vomit or something??

Fran: (pale) No...ah...Speedy I'll just...um…go home and jump of the roof of my house...(faints onto the floor)

Luciel: (frantic) Somebody get the Nurse hurry!

N: As it turns out, Vi wasn't completely sure if Speedy was the culprit. After all, Big Cheese was the one who made the punch and we all know about his reputation. So there was only one way to find out who spiked the punch...

Vi: TO THE SECURITY ROOM!! And that means you too Speedy!

Speedy: (cranky) But I just got out of a coma...!

Vi: NO MORE EXCUSES!

(Cut to the security room…) 

Speedy: (knocking on the security room door) Guys! Hellooo! It's me! Speedy! I've just been in a coma! Does anybody CARE!?

(Mama-sun appears out of the shadow in the corner)

Speedy: What are you so happy about…?

Mama-sun: (giggling) Polly and Guido are too busy to answer the door...!

Vi: (In the distance) SPEEDY!! HURRY UP!! IT'S COLD HERE!!

Speedy: (to mama-sun) What are you laughing at? What's so funny?

(Mama-sun whispers something in Speedy's ear and then runs off, chuckling. Speedy in the mean time looks like he's just seen a ghost)

Francine: (running up to Speedy) What's taking so long Speedy? You want to give Princess Vi a nose bleed?!

Speedy: (listening to the noises inside the security room…) Francine! ...Guido and Polly are, well ah...doing something...BAD!!

Francine: (uninterested) Oh! Speedy I don't have time for this! If you can't get the door open then I'll open it myself…

Speedy: But FRAN! They're...they're doing '_it!'_

Fran: Yes I saw the movie 'It'...

Speedy: NO! Not the movie 'IT!' You're not listening to ME!

(After fiddling with the lock, Francine manages to get the door open. Speedy looks extremely nervous...)

Speedy: Oh God I hope they're really not...

Polly: JUST GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!

Speedy: (mortified) Polly?! Guido?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!??

Guido: (who is pinned to the floor) Well she started it! I've been trying to wrestle that bottle of her for ages! She's turning into a compulsive alcoholic…!

Polly: (on top of him, yelling in his face) I just wanted to look at the LABEL!!

Guido: It doesn't HAVE A LABEL!!

Polly: (turns to Speedy) Why? What did you think we were doing Speedy?

Speedy: (trying to hide his embarrassment) Oh never mind, never mind! Hehe, it just sounded...like...well I don't know…you were...ripping each others clothes off…getting jiggy with it…I'll just shut up now I think!

Polly, Guido: WHAT!!??

Speedy: Nothing! Nothing…really! There was just a little confusion spreading...forget it!

Guido: Clothes off? Jiggy? (giving him a funny look) You can't be serious?! (laughs at Polly)

Polly: (also laughing) Did your brain take a vacation!!??

Speedy: You might say that…

N: Isn't always on vacation?

Al: (looking at the drink in Polly's hand) I hope you weren't really drinking that Polly. I don't need another Pizza Cat drunk tonight…

Guido: Don't worry Al, I didn't give her the chance!! 

Polly: (mad) YOU TATTLETALE!! 

Vi: (changing the subject to suit her) WHO CARES!! All I want to do is see tonight's security tape and go home and have a BUBBLE BATH!!

N: As Vi wishes, Polly and Guido play a recording of the tape covering the area of where the wine and champagne were kept. It showed Speedy clearly stealing the drinks and spiking the punch. It's ironic how Big Cheese wasn't guilty this time. However, Princess Vi is more curious about who the strange fat shadow is in the corner... 

Vi: Who's the strange fat shadow in the corner?!

N: Are you DEAF?! I just said that!

Speedy: I can't really remember, I think he gave me that drink though...(looking at the red bottle)

Polly: But Speedy, you gave this to me when you were out of your mind!

Speedy: I know, that was just before I fell in the lake and went into a coma…

Polly: (puzzled) HUH?!! I'm so confused...

Speedy: Trust me, I tell you later...!

Vi: Well whatever that shadow is it wasn't invited! Therefore it's invading private property! Therefore it must be sent to PRISONER ISLAND!!

Al: (squinting at the screen) It's too dark to see. I guess we will never know...

(Somewhere in the distance...)

Guru: (Walking around in the dark) What a night! And not one single girl! I never even got to test the stupid love potion! Worst party I've ever been to! And why can't I get a cab HOME!!?? (signaling to passing taxies)

N: Is he kidding? You have a better chance of being hit by lightning then getting a cab on the weekend! Oh well, we now come to the end of our show once again! The Pizza Cat's got to spend the night at the Palace and enjoyed all kinds of luxuries...except Speedy, Vi punished him for spiking the punch and sent him home.

Speedy: (lying across his couch, looking sinister) _Revenge_...!

N: Ah hell, here we go again! At least he'll have a hangover in the morning…

- THE END! -

~*~


End file.
